thank God they didn't. not because they're cowards but because God has saved me from destroying myself and who i am in Him.

it felt good bashing them with words, seeing them grope for answers in anger. it has been a long time since the last time i really chose to battle with words.

i live in a 12-door apartment built in such a way that a single untentional loud sound can be such a nuisance to our neighbors. I would not mention the details as it would make me angry again but to cut it all short, we had a confrontation last night with one of our neighbors. I fought them with words. It has always been my principle that putting other people down cannot be tolerated mainly because it's wrong. Young or old alike should have mutual respect for each other, courtesy protocols. I do not deny that we're quite noisy at times (we're a happy bunch of people!:D) but to have been treated as imbeciles comprehended as not able to understand them is a different story. My sack of patience and self control nearly got empty to stop myself from slapping my diploma unto his face. I fought them (together with my housemates and kakampis) and a little smile of victory spread acoss my lips as i see them retreating because they can answer no more (still in anger causing them to say that "mahirap kami kausapin")

it felt good...

until the rebuke comes...

My head pastor came and as he spoke, God made me realize these things...

whatever has happened to the grace and patience that i once so eagerly wanted my youth alagas to learn as i bashed each word they say with my own wit and sarcasm?

whatever has happened to the warnings i received even before entertaining my irritaion which eventually developed into anger in just 5 minutes?

whatever has happened to my testimony as a child aspiring to be like her Savior?

whatever has happened to Kat as a child of the living God, saved by grace, redeemed through Christ's agony and death on the cross, cleansed by her Saviour's blood?

I cried with tears of repentance before sleeping. i've made a humiliating act before my God. I could have just swallowed their words if that would be the way to bring them to Christ. Could have controlled my tongue, stopped my mind from taking such actions if to be silent would bring Jesus unto their lives. Could have...should have...

i do not say that we compromise our integrity and don't act in righteousness if something wrong is happening around us, or betteryet, about us. we still should act in truth, honesty. that's what i did. But i forgot the most important ingredients... peace and love.

I have to live peacefully with everyone if that could testify God's love to our neighbors and to my lovedones. I am to live in love because our God is love and that He loves me with an everlasting love... and so should i. i have to love unconditionally.

up to this very moment, i still feel irritated thinking about what happened last night but i just give it all up to God. Last night, even if i did something disgraceful as a child of God, i still asked God, "Lord, ipagtanggol Mo po kami.." and He did. He still lovingly did...

but He still called me for repentance after...

Thank you, Lord for teaching me to be humble each day, for teaching me to love You in Your way, for molding me continuously, for loving me, and for eveything. Teach in the way i should go for to you i lift up my soul.. Forgive me, my Father... In the name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, i pray unto You..

sa mga taong nagbabasa ng aking blog kahit na hindi ko nauupdate, maraming salamat po. :)

maraming mga bagay ang tinuturo ng Panginoon sa akin ngayon. marami pa pala akong hindi alam sa Kanya. sobrang dami. natutuwa ako sa mga pagtawag ng Panginoon sa akin at sa mga ipinapakita Niya.

Gusto kong papurihan ang Panginoon sa lahat lahat sa aking buhay ngayon at dalangin ko na sana ay ganoon din kayo. Ang buhay ay mabilis lamang. Nawa ay mamuhay tayong lahat ng naayon sa pagkakatawag ng Panginoon sa atin. Mamuhay tayo sa Kanyang salita, ang Kanyang presensiya ang ating maging hininga.

marami pa akong gustong gawin para sa Panginoon. makapagdala ng marami pang kaluluwa sa kanyang paanan. makapagalaga ng mga kabataang gutom sa salita at presensiya ng Diyos, magamit ng husto sa Kanyang simbahan, makapagpuri ng wasto sa Kaniyang paanan sa lahat ng panahon at mahalin Siya ng naaayon sa Kanyang kagustuhan.

Mahal ko ang Panginoon. at alam kong hindi nagbabago ang pagmamahal Niya sa akin. Walang katapusan. Walang hangganan.

Isa lamang ang pinakahiling ng aking puso (maliban sa mga maliliit na hiling at dalangin ko sa arawaraw), at iyon ay makita ang Kanyang mukha at makasama Siya sa habangpanahon sa Kanyang pagbabalik.

Panalangin ko na katagpuin ninyo ang Panginoon sa kung Sino siya at masusumpungan mo ang kapayapaan at kaligayang hindi maibibigay ninuman. At pag ito'y natagpuan mo na, wag mo itong bibitawan, panghawakan mo ito ng mahigpit dahil ito na ang iyong magiging buhay.

Tapat ang Diyos, tunay Siya at totoo.

Maniwala ka.

Magtiwala ka.

there are some things that we do that might hurt the ones we love even if we don't intend to. sometimes we do them to release the hell out of us and sometimes by doing them result to things that we want to regret in the end. 

sometimes, life just overwhelms us and that pushes us to be grumpy and antsy to people around us. we know we need to ask for forgiveness but shame overtakes what we need and long to do.

we are but human. we do mistakes more often than not. we are weak. we struggle. we are vulnerable to pain even to those caused by our own selves.

have the strength to go on. He will strengthen you to endure what you are going thru right now. and trust in yourself that out of what you are for Him, you will be able to stand and face whatever that comes along your way because He is with you. you will be able to love and smile and to be happy and laugh and appreciate little things because life is beautiful. believe that He created it to be beautiful though many times we are blinded by some circumstances and we see life as a big crap.

if i could wipe your frustration away, i would.

but it seems like there's only one thing that God wants you to do right now, that is to continue to rely on Him and trust His will for you.

just hang in there, okies?

God bless you.

 

 

 

 

...from kuya carlomer's bulletin post...

 

1. The song you've been most singing to
yourself recently?
= "I can only imagine" by Bart Millard (there's a MercyMe version also)

2. What do you currently want right
now?
= hit the beach!

3. What did you do today?
= woke up trying to finish our youth retreat materials

4. Are you hungry? What would you
like?
= kinda hungry. i want coke, burger and fries, ice cream and sylvannas

5. What have you been thinking about
most today?
= the youth retreat and life after summer

6. Do you ever just sit outside and
watch the stars?
= yes, one of life's simple pleasures

7. Do you do a lot of surveys? Why?
= no, just when i feel like it

8. What is your current annoyance?
= sobrang init!

9. Do you want a new cell phone?
= yeah but it's ok coz i'm contented with my current phone. i want a cam phone but a digicam would be much better:D

10. Are you waiting for someone right
now?
= yes, ewan ko lang kung alam niya na hinihintay ko siya. hehe

11. What time are you going to bed?
= i dunno, i just woke up almost 2 hours ago :)

12. Name one thing youre looking forward
to this week?
= going home to Pangasinan

13. Are you planning on visiting some
old friends?
= yeah, might meet up with some hs friends

14. Can you make new friends easily?
= depends, it usually takes a long time for me to really warm up to a person. i'm partly autistic kasi. haha:D

15. What would you do if your best
friend turned gay?
= my ex-bestfriend? i'd probably laugh out loud first then i'm gonna pin him to his seat for a counselling session and then i'm gonna fast for him..:)

16. Do you plan out what you wear the
day before you wear it?
= no, except if it's for a party or big event

17. Has anyone ever told you "You
dropped your pocket", and you looked
down looking for it?
= yeah or something like that. hehe. mejo gullible ako pag gutom at antok e :D

18. What is music to you?
= part of my everyday life

19. Have you ever fell for your best
friend?
= ako? haha! whatta question! can someone please answer for me? ;p

20. If you had a chance to save someone
significant to you, would you?
= save him/her from what? supergirl itu? hehe but seriously, it's only Jesus who can save but if i could lead them or even pray for their salvation every night, i would.

21. How many times do you eat each day?
= haha, sometimes 1 or 2 big meals or 4 small meals, or 2 big meals with 3 small meals;:)

22. How do you cheer someone up?
= lighten up things. make crazy faces. just be with them until they feel ok.

23. Are you a morning person?
= no, i love waking up late. :)

24. Is it easier for you to fall asleep
or to be woken up?
= fall asleep :).

25. Have you ever had breakfast in bed?
= no, but i look forward to the day someone would prepare that for me.

26. Are you a picky person?
= depends, i sometimes am, but oftentimes no

27. Think of one person, stick with
it. you dont have to say their name.
Would you pick them up stranded 100
plus miles away if it was your
birthday?
= maybe i would :)

28. "Haha hoohoo thought youd get the
money too, greedy greedy greedy try
to have your cake and eat it too."
Where did that come from?
= ah, witch from the wizard of oz? haha!

29. What's cooking, good lookin?
= what?

30. Has your best friend ever hurt
your feelings?
= haha! that was before, he never intended to

31. Give two reasons why you get
distracted in class.
= grumbling stomach, not enough sleep

32. Seriously. Do you know how to
dance?
= no, i can dance a little but i'm not really a dancer.

33. Do you think its funny when people
get hurt?
= it depends, if they just bumped their head a little, that's a little funny. kung may blood nang pinaguusapan e malamang iba na yun diba :D or when emotionally hurt, hindi rin syempre funny yun.

34. Who makes you laugh the most.
Give at least two people.
= my family and friends. recently (last night), my dad and marpoe and nhe, and bcel(last week):D

35. If you had to guess, how do you
think you're gonna turn out in life?
= a better servant of God. :)

 

 

 

"LORD, I want to pray for my sister. You now what's going on in her life, in her heart right now. You alone know fully the desire of her heart. And now, I'm praying that you will grant her more faith in you, a heart that desires nothing but YOU. If what's happening to her right now will bring more glory to you (not that you needed more) and more joy to her (that's what she needs), Lord, please continue to work and show what's your will for her. In Jesus' name, this is her brother, praying for her. Amen."

 

 

kuya, thank you for sincerely praying for me. you have given me the thing that i really need the most at that time. you saw what's in my heart and that's what you prayed for. i just can't show how much i appreciated you for just being there for me, for the understanding, for the right words you said, and for everything you've done for me in tha past until now that we really don't see each other that often anymore. to have a brother in Christ like you has been a beautiful blessing from God. love kita kuya. thank you so much...*hugkita* 

 

 

ALL FOR LOVE

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love heavens cried
For love was crucfied

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

ang tamad ko,

i don't want to go to work today...:(

You Are 45% Left Brained, 55% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

haha! i thought so. matututo din akong magluto. hmp!

You Are Not a Cook

You know cooking isn't for you, and you wouldn't even consider trying to make a homecooked meal. And this is a very good thing. You've saved all your friends and family from unintentional food poisoning!

hehe...vanity!

You Are 52% Vain

You're a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence. Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don't think less of those who aren't as pretty as you!

and finally, a rebuke from blogthings...:(

Your Sloth Quotient: 47%

You're definitely lazier than the average person, but you're able to live a somewhat normal life. All your life needs is a little more effort and variety, and you might see that doing hard things is actually fun!

fine, papasok na ako.

i'm just feeling a little down recently, got no money, currently living in my aunt's place, my mom's acting like "go find a job, i'm worried about your future, no job no future", family problems, got a library to fix, people to deal with...

don't get me wrong, i love what i'm doing right now. i love the kids in school. i love talking to them, listening to their problems, hugging them when they're sad, being hugged by the preschoolers. things that money cannot buy. seeing children crying their hearts out as they accept Jesus in their hearts. highschoolers fighting their tears back as God tears down their walls of pride and insecurities. listening to them as they try to make simple conversations with you and eventually opening up their lives. God has showed me how enormous His love is for all of us thru these kids.

i started out as their "freelance librarian", trying to organize their library while waiting for job confirmation and interviews, but now, i'm more of a campus minister than a librarian. i'm their "ATE kat". i cancelled declined my job interviews because i became busy with the library activities, and now, i'm penniless, jobless, and pressured.

but i need a job, something that would pay me nicely or just enough to get by and quiet my mom's worries and enough for me to contribute to my aunt's expenses ( food, electricity, etc) though she's not actually requiring me to do it.

i don't wanna beg money from anyone though i know that God will provide and that He provides according to His abundance but as Paul says, we still need to work and provide for ourselves as Christians.

i already mentioned my willingness to work as a fulltime librarian to the school im working with (that's our church's school) though i know that since it's part of the church's ministry, compensation would be much lower than expected. i don't know, the school and church authorities haven't formally talked to me yet.

i also am struggling about some people around me. the Bible says that people who aim to live a life for Jesus will be persecuted by nonbelievers and sometimes by fellow Christians as well. i wasn't really persecuted by my family and nonchristioan friends, even my friends in my past job, and i feel sad that i am experiencing it within the "family of God". it's not that serious though it might grow into a serious problem if not taken cared of now. my human nature tells me to not waste my time and effort and saliva to narrowminded people but God says that we should live at peace with everyone and not tire of doing good. one of those persons i have considered dear to me and that made the pain even worse. right now, im praying that God will make His grace flow.

i'm also the youth president. i know i'm not a youth anymore but young pros are the ones to lead the youth kasi. hmp. i love the youth. it's quite different compared to the esbi people but i know that it's God who will be working in their hearts.

mejo labolabo entry ko ngayon. basta, the Lord knows what His plans are for me...

"You are more than enough

so much more sufficient for me

what more can i ask for

my life is in Your hands

on solid rock i stand"

You are my rock and my salvation.

Be my refuge.

Be my joy

for you are my God.

i just entrust everything unto You

and make my heart be at peace

in Jesus name, Amen.