i'm just feeling a little down recently, got no money, currently living in my aunt's place, my mom's acting like "go find a job, i'm worried about your future, no job no future", family problems, got a library to fix, people to deal with...

don't get me wrong, i love what i'm doing right now. i love the kids in school. i love talking to them, listening to their problems, hugging them when they're sad, being hugged by the preschoolers. things that money cannot buy. seeing children crying their hearts out as they accept Jesus in their hearts. highschoolers fighting their tears back as God tears down their walls of pride and insecurities. listening to them as they try to make simple conversations with you and eventually opening up their lives. God has showed me how enormous His love is for all of us thru these kids.

i started out as their "freelance librarian", trying to organize their library while waiting for job confirmation and interviews, but now, i'm more of a campus minister than a librarian. i'm their "ATE kat". i cancelled declined my job interviews because i became busy with the library activities, and now, i'm penniless, jobless, and pressured.

but i need a job, something that would pay me nicely or just enough to get by and quiet my mom's worries and enough for me to contribute to my aunt's expenses ( food, electricity, etc) though she's not actually requiring me to do it.

i don't wanna beg money from anyone though i know that God will provide and that He provides according to His abundance but as Paul says, we still need to work and provide for ourselves as Christians.

i already mentioned my willingness to work as a fulltime librarian to the school im working with (that's our church's school) though i know that since it's part of the church's ministry, compensation would be much lower than expected. i don't know, the school and church authorities haven't formally talked to me yet.

i also am struggling about some people around me. the Bible says that people who aim to live a life for Jesus will be persecuted by nonbelievers and sometimes by fellow Christians as well. i wasn't really persecuted by my family and nonchristioan friends, even my friends in my past job, and i feel sad that i am experiencing it within the "family of God". it's not that serious though it might grow into a serious problem if not taken cared of now. my human nature tells me to not waste my time and effort and saliva to narrowminded people but God says that we should live at peace with everyone and not tire of doing good. one of those persons i have considered dear to me and that made the pain even worse. right now, im praying that God will make His grace flow.

i'm also the youth president. i know i'm not a youth anymore but young pros are the ones to lead the youth kasi. hmp. i love the youth. it's quite different compared to the esbi people but i know that it's God who will be working in their hearts.

mejo labolabo entry ko ngayon. basta, the Lord knows what His plans are for me...

"You are more than enough

so much more sufficient for me

what more can i ask for

my life is in Your hands

on solid rock i stand"

You are my rock and my salvation.

Be my refuge.

Be my joy

for you are my God.

i just entrust everything unto You

and make my heart be at peace

in Jesus name, Amen.